I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
