If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize