Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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