Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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