Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
