you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize