just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
