I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
