my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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