all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
