shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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