the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
