Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
