so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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