Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i will never coherently bang her
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
