I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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