I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
