the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
