Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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