Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
