didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
