apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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