Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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