i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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