My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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