the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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