I think my vagina is haunted
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize