im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
