i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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