so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I puked a lego.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
