I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
