rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
