I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
