It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
