You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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