what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
