just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
