Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
