sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
