Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
