They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
