Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's blow job season.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
