There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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