atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
