What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well I just put wine in my tea
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
