I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
