I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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