i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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