just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
