dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
