Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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