Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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