At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
