You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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