I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
