Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize