1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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