also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
