I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
