Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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