I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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