i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
