we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
