I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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