My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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