I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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